Page:Item 7 1858.pdf/6

From Historical Hastings
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The Boundary Controversy continued (“A Dream”)

The following appear in the St Leonards and Hastings Gazette and visitors’ Vade Mecum of Jan 2nd 1858:

“Mr Editor, - I have heard it said that dreams if told before breakfast are sure to come true. Well, do you know: Last night I had a remarkable dream, and as I am very superstitious, you may suppose I hastened to make known my dream to every member of my family before a morsel of the morning meal had been partaken of or even the new year’s greetings had performed their circuit. ‘Twas only a dream, but they all said that my dreaming it three times over was so marvellous a circumstance as to be absolutely press-worthy. This idea was highly suggestive and after the imbibition of a cup or two of strong aromatic mocha, I became sufficiently plucky to act upon it, I therefore determined that if you could make it fit one of the corners of the Vade Mecum you should have it. But don’t forget ‘twas only a dream, and the dreamer nobody of consequence. The vision was thus: A certain number of persons called Councillors, (mis)representatives of the east ward of a certain borough to take from the west warders of the same borough an immense amount of valuable property, but which the latter strongly protested against as an unjust and unlawful appropriation. But the thing they said, had to be done and they were the men to do it. They seized the said property and the stupendous achievement was signalized by the handwriting on the wall. Yet, strange to say! their inglorious victory was of the briefest duration; for, by some secret agency, their dexterous manipulations were rendered abortive, and their arrogant manifestations became as so many “dead letters”. Speaking of letters reminds me of the other part of my dream, and the only portion of which the realization is still at all doubtful. Even that is the merest shadow of a doubt; for, don’t you see: I told my dream before breakfast. Well, then, these wise men of the east discovered that it was impossible to carry out their nefarious designs without the assistance of the chief of the letter Department; and they consequently resolved that a deputation consisting of Alderman Hails, Mare and Exmare should be sent to confer with that exalted functionary. Arrived at the official residence the subject was thus broached: “My Lord Duke, we approach you with all impudence of which we are possessed. We desire that every place in Her Majesty’s dominions shall be called by its right name, and that every tub shall stand upon its own bottom. Having recently passed resolutions to that effect, we are much pained and grieved by your stubborn refusal to abolish a post office in the next town to us, which is a perpetual eyesore and a stumbling block in our path. Since, however, this act of justice is denied us, we do hope you will see the necessity of extending our own post-office, so as to comprise, if possible, the largest half of our neighbour’s territory. It may appear a little inconsistent to seek, firstly, the destruction of a rival and secondly, his preservation; but a moment’s consid-